Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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