So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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