So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you would pick up someone in the library
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
