Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You pole danced in your parka.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
