so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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