He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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