I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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