1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
