You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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