OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
