I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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