The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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