I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
