I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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