college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
