At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
