is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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