One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
