Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
