I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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