I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
