some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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