guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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