At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize