cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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