this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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