the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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