end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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