Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My bed smells like the plague
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