I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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