omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was confusing and full of hummus
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
