you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize