Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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