Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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