My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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