i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
