Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
