he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
