Got a toothbrush?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
