good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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