She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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