So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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