Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
