My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
