I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize