He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
