Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
