his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
