your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
