Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
