what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
