you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
