I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
