When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
