the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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