It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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