I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize