I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
