Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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