ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
