i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
