also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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