lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
