I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so let's talk penis.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
