I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
