I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
