There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
