i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Still dying that you shit outside
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
