Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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